Jamestown Rotary Club Presentation

Spent this morning with the Jamestown Rotary Club where I presented the short version of my Happiness Will Make You Rich Program.
Delightful people, delightful place and wonderful food and conversation. A great way to spend the morning.

I don 't know where I am going, but I am going there fast!

So often, I find myself racing through the day, struggling to get to the next place to cross the next thing off my list. It becomes a frantic, stress filled race to the finish line.

The problem is: There is no finish line.

I have found that the true beauty of life is, indeed, found in the journey and not in the destination. In order to remind myself to slow down and appreciate the extraordinary gifts life delivers along the path, I've taken to asking myself the following question at the end of the day: Have I acted today as though the things that I say are important to me, are important to me?

In other words, did I take the time to listen, (really listen, not half listen while trying to cross off one more thing) when someone important to me needed to talk? Did I find myself getting impatient with a sick child or an elderly relative because I "don't have time for this." Did I enjoy the changing colors of the leaves or the brilliant fire of a gorgeous sunset or was I too busy to notice, let alone enjoy them?

By asking myself that one question each and every night, I have found myself more willing to slow down and focus on the things that are important and this practice has made my life much richer and happier, indeed.

Give it a try for a few weeks and see the positive changes that occur in your daily life.

Remember: Happiness will Make You Rich!

Ducks and Penguins and Life, Oh My!

In our house, the kitchen is the central hub of activity. It is where our large family gathers to eat, share, connect and rest a moment as we all go about our hectic schedules. There on the counter, right in front of the sink where I often stand, sits a row of little rubber ducks, each with its own personality. One has a little cowboy hat, one is smaller than the others, one is always out of line, and one is not a duck at all, but a penguin. Often, visitors will ask if the ducks belong to one of my children. This generally brings about a good amount of eye rolling from said children, as I respond, "No, they are mine." Let me explain.

I placed the ducks there several years ago as a reminder to myself that no matter how much I'd like to believe it, no matter how hard I, or anyone else, tries, life will never behave itself. In other words, every time I think I've got all of my ducks in a row--business is good, marriage is good, health is good, children are good--I turn my back for a minute and one of the little buggers is acting up again. So, lest I forget, I bought myself a little row of rubber ducks, placed them in front of me on the counter and made sure one of them is always out of line. Should some well-intentioned interloper put my rebel duck back in line, I make sure to return him to his rightful place.

Now about the penguin. I added the penguin to the row of ducks after a series of unexpected events rocked my world. He serves to remind me that life is unpredictable and that no amount of planning, obsessing, or controlling is going to change that. Nope, you just can't plan for a penguin.

These reminders are so important because it is very tempting to think that happiness, success, confidence and well being are static states. That if we are unable to attain them, unable to arrive, so to speak, then there is something intrinsically wrong with us. But happiness, success, confidence, and well being are not static states. They are processes. In fact, there is nowhere to arrive, no place to sit back and say, "Whew, that was hard, but now that I've arrived, I can coast from here on out."

Life itself is a process that unfolds in ways that we cannot begin to imagine or plan for. Instead, we can work to stay centered, to regain our equilibrium when the penguin comes to call and, above all, to ENJOY those times when the penguin is out of town, all the little ducks line up in a row and the sun shines down upon us!  

Swing That Bat!

It's definitely baseball season and I'm not the only one with baseball on the mind. A recent column in our local paper written by Mark Patinkin and titled Gems from the diamond: You can't hit what you don't swing at, has got me thinking baseball again. The title caught my eye and I found myself pondering not only the truth of that statement, but also considering the reasons why many of us fail to get in the game, let alone swing the bat. 

Another baseball saying contained in Mr. Patinkin's column lends us some insight into the matter: "The real test isn't whether you can deliver at the plate on your home field with your mother cheering you on, it's whether you can do it while 20,000 voices are calling you a bum." At the heart of the matter, then, is how much belief do you have in yourself? How much confidence can you muster up when your back is against the wall? 

It is so easy for the onlooker to be a critic, so easy for the individual who doesn't put him or herself on the line to find fault or failure in the individual who is willing to take the risk. American editor, publisher and author, Elbert Hubbard pointed out the only surefire way to avoid criticism when he said, "To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." Effective certainly, but hardly the way to self actualization.

And criticism doesn't just come from the outside. The most destructive form of criticism is rooted in the voice of our own internalized critic: the voice that tells us to give up before we've even tried, the voice that tell us we have no business getting in the game, the voice that stops us from ever swinging the bat. We must learn to shut off those negative influences, to quiet that infernal, internal nag, and to face our fears or risk sitting the bench for the entire game. 

So, here is my challenge to all of you, dear readers: Stop for a moment and really listen to your inner critic. What is that voice saying to you, what is it stopping you from doing or becoming? Once you hear that voice, and understand the limitations it places on you, ask yourself this: Is it better to play it safe, to "do nothing, say nothing, be nothing," in the words of Elbert Hubbard or is it better to face down the fear, walk out to the mound and swing that bat regardless of whether the fans are cheering or jeering. 

I can tell you this for certain: if you never take the chance, if you never face down you're fears and swing that bat you'll never know what it feels like to hit one out of the park!  

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN LIFE IS NOT FAIR?

Sitting on hard metal bleachers on a beautiful summer morning several weeks ago, I had the opportunity to ask my ten-year-old son this question. 

Baseball is serious business at our house and we were watching an exciting playoff game between two local teams. Although my son was not playing (he had recently moved up a level,) many of his close friends were involved and our dear friend, Tony, was head coach. The game started out great, but within a few innings the home plate umpire began to make one bad call after another against our team.

Tony, a normally reserved man who seldom questions an official, stepped out to the plate after a disastrous call to discuss the strike zone with the umpire. To his credit, he did so calmly and without theatrics, setting a wonderful example for players and fans alike. Still, the calls continued. At one point, one of the young players became so distressed that he ran out of the dugout close to tears.

"Mom," he cried, "it's not fair!"

As his mother sent him back into the dugout with the instruction to, "Just do your best," I turned to my son and asked him what he was going to do when life wasn't fair.

"What do you mean, Mom?"

"Well, Bobby, life isn't always fair. Sometimes you get a bad call in a game and sometimes you get a bad call in life. Do you know what I mean?"

"I think so, Mom."

We spent the next fifteen minutes or so discussing the fact that life often is not fair, that sometimes you catch a bad call or things just don't go your way, but what really matters is how we respond to life's bad calls. Do we respond with grace and dignity the way Tony and the other player's mom did? Do we, "Just do our best?" Or do we whine, complain and give up?

Teaching moments like this one allow me to communicate my beliefs to my children and offer them the opportunity to understand important life lessons. And this may be one of the most important lessons of all: Though we don't always control the circumstances of our lives, we ALWAYS have control over how we respond to those circumstances.

Carry yourself with grace and dignity and just do your best. Not bad advice for ball players and pretty good advice for the rest of us, too!